Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Reasons Not to Be a Teacher

No, I'm not actually listing reasons not to be a teacher. But that might be one of my favorite of the Google searches that have brought people to this blog--disturbing as that thought is.

In lieu of substantive blogging (is there ever substantive blogging around here? Anyway), I bring you Recent Searches, organized by Category.

First category: THE WINNERS
These are by far the most popular searches. So popular that I am baffled. What are these people looking for?
  • Let the cat out of the bag (image search)
  • age to perfection (once again, it is age of perfection, or aged to perfection, but fine)
Second category: SARTORIAL
My one post on interview clothing has proven to be by far the most popular thing I have ever written, in any genre or medium. Scary.
  • is it ok to wear the same pants
  • same clothes different tie
  • can i wear black suit jacket with stripe pants
  • can you wear a solid
  • can you wear the same sweater two days in a row
  • black suits different shirts
  • how to wear pinstripe pants
Apparently there are a lot of people out there wearing the same damn thing day after day.

Third category: ACADEMIA
This one's rather thin, I admit--perhaps owing to the scantiness of genuinely academic writing on this blog? However, the searches (few as they are) do suggest a very particular category of angst. I unfortunately didn't copy one of my favorite (sad) searches, which was something along the lines of "Not writing dissertation sad."
  • skipping grad school classes sick
  • gradcity complaints
  • FRESHMEN BOYS (okay, so right, this one doesn't really belong, I know. But I appreciate the all caps. It suggests a great deal of enthusiasm, no?)
Fourth category: PHRASEOLOGY
I just like the sound of these. I'm glad that they led their searchers here.
  • metamorphosis perfection
  • ahem. le sigh.
  • there are moments when
  • i am rather
  • all knowing all mighty
  • ah there you are, do i know you?*
*Any guesses? What could this possibly be? At any rate my blog seems to be the #1 hit.

Fifth category: PARTY TIME
These just go well together, I think. They suggest an intriguing narrative.
  • party time looking forward to it
  • one minute dance party
  • fucking strange things
  • i'm sorry for drinking
Sixth category: MISCELLANEOUS
These last ones are just too good to leave out, but they can't be categorized.
  • why we need stress
  • ugh like slippers
  • eyeballs falling out.
A thought: Has anyone yet written a story (or poem) entirely in Google searches? Because if you read through the entries in categories 4, 5, and 6, they kind of make up paragraphs of a sort.... And I'm tempted to reorganize all of the entries to make a narrative out of the searches, but frankly I can't be bothered. Maybe tomorrow. Which means that I won't do it. I am nothing if not self-aware.


Hilaire said...

Man, that's funny! That just got better and better as it went along. I love that people look up things like "party time looking forward to it."

Sisyphus said...

It makes a nice little piece of poetry there, all laid out like that. I'll have to remember to try that with my stuff some time.

heu mihi said...

What I want to know is why someone would look up "I am rather." Or why that led her to my blog. Or why she clicked on the link at all.

And "eyeballs falling out"???

Belle said...

Eyeballs falling out... and they got you???? What *have* you been doing?

heu mihi said...

In that post? I think that I was grading. Or proofreading the final draft of my dissertation. I can only hope that the seeker was being equally hyperbolic.

Pilgrim/Heretic said...

Rana did this a couple of years ago... I remember this because the phrase "martini pajamas" stuck in my head. She credits profgrrrl with the idea, though the link is dead. Anyway, hers is here - I love the idea!