Reasons Not to Be a Teacher

No, I'm not actually listing reasons not to be a teacher. But that might be one of my favorite of the Google searches that have brought people to this blog--disturbing as that thought is.

In lieu of substantive blogging (is there ever substantive blogging around here? Anyway), I bring you Recent Searches, organized by Category.

First category: THE WINNERS
These are by far the most popular searches. So popular that I am baffled. What are these people looking for?

• Let the cat out of the bag (image search)
• age to perfection (once again, it is age of perfection, or aged to perfection, but fine)
  

Second category: SARTORIAL
My one post on interview clothing has proven to be by far the most popular thing I have ever written, in any genre or medium. Scary.

• is it ok to wear the same pants
• same clothes different tie
• can i wear black suit jacket with stripe pants
• can you wear a solid
• can you wear the same sweater two days in a row
• black suits different shirts
• how to wear pinstripe pants

Apparently there are a lot of people out there wearing the same damn thing day after day.

Third category: ACADEMIA
This one's rather thin, I admit--perhaps owing to the scantiness of genuinely academic writing on this blog? However, the searches (few as they are) do suggest a very particular category of angst. I unfortunately didn't copy one of my favorite (sad) searches, which was something along the lines of "Not writing dissertation sad."

• skipping grad school classes sick
• gradcity complaints
• FRESHMEN BOYS (okay, so right, this one doesn't really belong, I know. But I appreciate the all caps. It suggests a great deal of enthusiasm, no?)

Fourth category: PHRASEOLOGY
I just like the sound of these. I'm glad that they led their searchers here.

• metamorphosis perfection
• ahem. le sigh.
• there are moments when
• i am rather
• all knowing all mighty
• ah there you are, do i know you?*

*Any guesses? What could this possibly be? At any rate my blog seems to be the #1 hit.

Fifth category: PARTY TIME
These just go well together, I think. They suggest an intriguing narrative.

• party time looking forward to it
• one minute dance party
• CAT PHOTO TATTOOS
• fucking strange things
• i'm sorry for drinking

Sixth category: MISCELLANEOUS
These last ones are just too good to leave out, but they can't be categorized.

• why we need stress
• ugh like slippers
• eyeballs falling out.
  

A thought: Has anyone yet written a story (or poem) entirely in Google searches? Because if you read through the entries in categories 4, 5, and 6, they kind of make up paragraphs of a sort.... And I'm tempted to reorganize all of the entries to make a narrative out of the searches, but frankly I can't be bothered. Maybe tomorrow. Which means that I won't do it. I am nothing if not self-aware.