Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Emerging from the Fog

Slowly. Very slowly.

..........still pretty foggy.

And absolutely exhausted. Good God. I'm so tired.

But I need to get organized, at least gradually, because even though preparing for the defense didn't take up all that much time, it seems to have sapped a lot of what they call "psychic energy" over the last month. For example, I've only just realized that I missed the deadlines for a bunch of (rather crummy) jobs that I meant to apply for. See, in my imagination, it's still early March. Anyway, I think that this afternoon will have to be dedicated to applying for said jobs, on the grounds that their deadlines didn't seem to be of the hard-and-fast variety, and really, what's another application more or less.

What I mostly need to do, though--and this might be a nice soothing activity--is come up with some kind of to-do list. I need to sync myself up with calendrical time again. When's that conference I'm going to? What else do I need to do for it? What do I need to do to my dissertation before I turn it in, and when? That kind of thing. Coming up with something concrete along those lines should give me an inner sense of order. Or so I tell myself. Perhaps I just want to avoid the job apps?

(Really, it's silly. I have so many cover letters at this point that I can throw together a new one in about 15 seconds, plus two minutes to read over it. I don't know why I put this particular activity off so much these days.)

I was thinking about going to yoga tonight, but I'm not sure that I can muster the strength. Seriously. I'm so tired. I'm kind of dying for a nap but I've got laundry in the dryer, so I'm holding off.

--And then occasionally it hits me that I don't need to worry about my dissertation anymore, and it's just so fucking weird. Isn't it?


medieval woman said...

Yes! It's weird!! It's structured your life (both explicitly and implicitly) for so long, you're not sure what to do now...

heu mihi said...

It is. What's pleasantly surprising is that I feel this sudden surge of interest in other research areas, because now I'm actually free to consider pursuing them.