1. Apply for every job in your field.
2. Check email every fifteen minutes or so for a period of about 12 weeks.
3. Check Chronicle job wiki at least three times a day. Attempt to calculate odds of various unlikely events (e.g., no one that X University interviewed at the MLA turns out to be viable; your application happens to get a favorable second look; XU doesn't want to go through the hassle of more interviews; out of the blue, you get an offer. Reject this daydream as absurd. Repeat.)
4. Lose all interest in own scholarly work. Write a novel instead.
5. Finish said novel. Recommence fretting.
6. Start a blog.
7. Resign yourself to going on the market again next year. Become excited about next year's job market. Begin calculating odds of various Ideal Institutions hiring in your field in the near future.
8. Remember that you need to pay rent next year, too. Apply for some more jobs.
9. Spend half a day trying to determine why your blog isn't showing up on Google searches.
10. Realize that scholarly work is vastly more enjoyable than writing cover letters. Enjoy renewed interest in academic projects.
12. Recal that you don't have a job yet. Check job listings. Become enraged that there are no new jobs in your field. Wonder why you didn't just go into comp, or something.
13. Be glad you didn't go into comp. Remember: Everyone gets a job. EVERYONE GETS A JOB. Right? Right??