Emerging from the Fog

Slowly. Very slowly.

..........still pretty foggy.

And absolutely exhausted. Good God. I'm so tired.

But I need to get organized, at least gradually, because even though preparing for the defense didn't take up all that much time, it seems to have sapped a lot of what they call "psychic energy" over the last month. For example, I've only just realized that I missed the deadlines for a bunch of (rather crummy) jobs that I meant to apply for. See, in my imagination, it's still early March. Anyway, I think that this afternoon will have to be dedicated to applying for said jobs, on the grounds that their deadlines didn't seem to be of the hard-and-fast variety, and really, what's another application more or less.

What I mostly need to do, though--and this might be a nice soothing activity--is come up with some kind of to-do list. I need to sync myself up with calendrical time again. When's that conference I'm going to? What else do I need to do for it? What do I need to do to my dissertation before I turn it in, and when? That kind of thing. Coming up with something concrete along those lines should give me an inner sense of order. Or so I tell myself. Perhaps I just want to avoid the job apps?

(Really, it's silly. I have so many cover letters at this point that I can throw together a new one in about 15 seconds, plus two minutes to read over it. I don't know why I put this particular activity off so much these days.)

I was thinking about going to yoga tonight, but I'm not sure that I can muster the strength. Seriously. I'm so tired. I'm kind of dying for a nap but I've got laundry in the dryer, so I'm holding off.

--And then occasionally it hits me that I don't need to worry about my dissertation anymore, and it's just so fucking weird. Isn't it?