At Least I'm Consistent

I'm in the middle of revising a chapter into a job talk, and I recently decided to look over the conference paper that I pulled out of the chapter last March to see if I'd made any really nice revisions there that I might want to incorporate.

And yes, I made some nice revisions. The thing is, I've already made most of them in the job talk, too. I mean, word for word, I'm revising in exactly the same way that I did last time.

It's a little freaky. But it's strangely comforting at the same time--like I have some kind of coherent aesthetic vision or something. (Or I just make the same awkward phrasing mistakes again and again?)

All Hail Moe, for Moe is a Benevolent God!

Okay. Could my rampant superstition get any more encouragement?

I knock on wood; I admit it. In fact, if I say something that warrants wood-knocking, and there's no wood present, I feel a very real anxiety and wish that I could take back my words.

There was a time back in November when I lamented, on this very blog, that I was anxiously awaiting calls about interviews even though it was far too soon to expect to hear anything--and within 15 minutes I got a call. Last May, I was on the verge of lamenting, on this very blog, that I would never ever get a job when I got a call scheduling a campus visit for Field College. And now, withing a couple of hours of my latest lamentation...I was called about a campus visit. At one of the schools that seemed great in the interview.

Too-ra-loo! I say. Too-ra-lay!

So here's the scoop, y'all: If you complain in earnest, then the Job Market will hear you. It's kind of like the Secret: Failure is all your fault; you weren't whining hard enough. (I'm kidding. I hate, loathe, and despise the Secret. It represents all things deplorable. And I think that I should stop whining.)

And now I need to figure out how I'm going to pull off canceling three consecutive days of classes this month. Because Newest Interview is next W-F, and then Already Scheduled Interview is the following M-W (M being a holiday, so no worries there). My carefully crafted syllabi are falling apart and my students will feel betrayed. Delighted, but betrayed. Perhaps I can do something about comp, though.... Agh! This is a problem I was hoping to have!

All Praise Moe, Almighty and All-Knowing

Well. The semester has begun, and, as I sort of expected, I feel much better about it now that it's (slightly) underway. I've designed my comp course to be pretty fun--according to me, at least--and it looks like I have a good group in my survey. And I'm already loving the MWF-only schedule.

So, what new mopey anxiety has me blogging this evening? Not a new one at all, of course, but the dreaded Job Search. I think that I should name my search, I talk about it so often. I think that I will call it Moe.

Moe has me worried, again, because he's been so quiet. Seriously, how long does it take a search committee to settle on its finalists? Actually, don't answer that--unless the answer is "at least two weeks," "always longer than anticipated," or something else to that effect. Two of the schools I interviewed with said that they hoped to make decisions by the 6th, and today's the 8th, right? So...could something have gummed up the works? I hope so.

I'm not really allowed to complain, much, because I'm definitely in the running for two jobs right now. But for reasons that I can't discuss, there could be problems with those jobs. At least with the one for which I'm most strongly in the running. Ugh. Moe, Moe, where are you? Moe! I invoke thee! O Great Moe! Moe the All-Powerful, Benevolent Moe....

****

You know, it's a lot easier to invoke--even worship?--an entity when it's personified. Hm. How much psychological dysfunction do I want this semester?

Are You Kidding Me, Bookstore?

You tell me the day before classes start that the book I ordered 2 full months ago--the one that sixty of my students need by Wednesday--hasn't arrived yet?

Um?

Regular Blogging to Resume

Okay, I know that I've been pretty quiet here--not posting much, nor replying to your comments, nor commenting on anyone else's blogs. But the state of exception (holidays, MLA, boyfriend visiting) has come to an end, and as the ordinary routine returns, I expect I'll be appearing here more frequently.

To sum up my recent activities: After the MLA and the VGS rejection, TB came to Field Town for a week-long visit. He's just left, and it was rather a sadder parting than usual, because in a couple of days he'll be leaving for a long sojourn on the other side of the world. I'm hoping to make it out there in March and then again at the end of the semester, but it's an expensive flight and my life is currently too unsettled (i.e. will I have a job?) to plan things at all in advance.

So here I am, staring down the barrel of another semester (classes start tomorrow), and hoping that I'm not too many more job searches away from a livable life.

All right, fine: that was melodramatic. Life is livable. I'm just ready for a life lived in one place, with the person I want to be with, and the possibility of a family. Forgive me; I'm in a low place this morning.

And I have things to do. Doing concrete things is one reasonably reliable way of getting out of low places. Here's a list:

• look into airfares to Other Side of the World, estimate taxes, try to come up with a budget so that I can fly there twice
• buy a humidifier so that I don't wake up choking on the dryness of the air or drive myself crazy with itching
• prepare my classes
  
• groceries
• make granola for the week's breakfasts

I want this semester to be different. Last semester was such a haze of teaching and anxiety--as I knew it would be, of course. That was fine for the first semester, but I can't sustain that level of busyness. This semester will be different, in fact, in two important respects: 1) I only have 2 preps (albeit 4 classes) and 2) I only teach MWF. Now, MWF will be brutal, given the 4 classes, but since I did three classes MWF last semester I don't see how it'll be all that much harder, and the TuTh off will be a miracle. So, in light of this novelty, I have resolved the following (see, this is kind of a new year's post, too):

Teaching will not be the whole of my life. I will keep it in perspective. To that end, I hereby resolve to not be the very best possible teacher every single day. Because if I'm constantly trying to be the very very bestest, as I was last semester, I will be exhausted and every day that I'm not perfect will demoralize me. Moreover, my life will be unsatisfying and lopsided.

During MLA, I realized that I missed research. It was such a pleasure to talk about my dissertation during the interviews that I know I need to get back into it. I'm not going to have the time or resources for serious research this semester, but I have to get the book proposal out, and I need to revise the intro. I also need to prepare a job talk and a teaching demo--one of last month's phone interviews has yielded a campus visit, and I must get on that.

There. I feel better. The weepiness has subsided. Nothing like a list....

Job Search, Phase Two

I don't actually know that this phase 2 of the job search--I'm sure that I could break down the application process into at least half a dozen mini-phases--but we'll call it that, because once again I'm in the waiting stage. Ugh. Last year somewhere I compared the job search to trying to date in junior high: waiting by the phone even though you know perfectly well that there's no actual chance that your great love, that dark-haired boy who rides your bus and plays second violin in the school orchestra, is going to call you, since you almost never even say hello to him (despite having all of your classes together) and anyway at the last school dance he slow danced with K like three times, and their elbows were bent, meaning that they were actually standing within about a foot of each other, so clearly there's something going on there although of course in your heart you're going to deny it because he's just so cute. But yeah, he's probably not going to call, at least not right now, and yet that doesn't stop you from leaping up with heart a-flutter every time the phone rings. This is what phase 2 is like. It's what phase 1 is like, too, for that matter, because that's when you're waiting for the interviews to be scheduled in the first place.

I've already been rejected (very kindly) from Very Good School, which is a bummer, but I've processed it and am okay with it. I also really appreciate being told so early that I won't be on the short-list. Rejecting rejected candidates nicely and promptly is a good thing to do; it's kind of like the guy who's not interested in you but manages to not get all weird even after your stupid best friend lets him know that you like him (to continue the middle-school analogy).

Interview Iditarod

It's been quiet around here, I know. But I don't like to blog from my mother's house--it makes me nervous; also, the cat and dog hair infiltrates my keyboard in nasty ways, and the dog tries to put his nose on my screen, and I was doing a lot of drinking, and I have various other excuses. Okay, yeah, I've been lazy, all right?

Anyway, here I am, deep in the trenches: 60% through the MLA interview quintifecta. (I don't know if that would even be the right word, if it were a word. I'm tired.)

A blinding snowstorm hit Chicago today, making the trek back and forth between hotels all the more exciting. Everything is now rather soggy. But since I got my current job after an absurd late-night interview with many mitigating distractions, I like to think that I work well with logistical difficulty. The interviews were fine, anyway, I think. By the last one I was feeling a bit wound up and rambly, but I didn't say anything identifiably crazy. One thing that I really like about interviewing is how nice everyone is, though. The interviewers are all talking up their schools and asking interesting questions about my research and, as conversations, they're pretty fun. Fun conversations do not necessarily translate into jobs, however, so one must be circumspect. Cautious optimism remains the order of the day.

(I have the feeling that I'm malapropping and mixing metaphors all over the place. "Malapropping" probably isn't even a word. Feh. I've used up today's brain allotment, okay?)

Before I trundle off to a long nap, I will add that last night's blogger meet-up was lovely and fun; my only regrets are a) that I was incapable of imbibing much at all and had to go to bed early, and b) that there were a couple of bloggers that I didn't get to speak to at much length. However, I did get to speak to several others at length, and really it was the aforementioned bed-going-off-t0 that kept me from talking to the others. So I'm hoping to run into a couple of them during the rest of the conference.

In the meantime: Happy MLAing, everyone! Good luck with papers and interviews!