Oh, my Student! I know that you're having personal problems of an entirely legitimate nature. We met to discuss them. And I know that you are now supposed to be all better, and yet you continue to miss classes. Student, you have now missed eight classes, and according to the policy stated on my syllabus, that entitles you to an automatic F.
Student, you have also failed to turn in any of the four papers that have been due in the course. Remember that alternate schedule we came up with, Student? Remember how you said you were already working on one of the (two-page) assignments? Well, Student, I have read neither hide nor hair of you. What's happening?
I emailed you, O Student, recommending that you withdraw from the class. To me, this seems obvious. You will get an F, no matter what, unless you withdraw. You must be clear on this, O my poor beset Student! For I know you from before, and you're pretty sharp. In fact, you're not only sharp, but interesting, and have a mean sense of unconventional style. You are intriguingly arty, O Student, and let it be known that I do in fact really like you.
But Student! Why, given that I emailed you with the inevitable outcome, and that you have read your email (for lo, I can check these things), why did you come to class today? Are we going to draw this out into a protracted negotiation that will only end in misery, despair, and/or the breaking of my perfectly reasonable policy?
Why, Student? Why can't we all just accept the world the way it is?
And why do I seem to have one of you every single semester???