Monday, May 26, 2014

Unsettled (starting Week Three)

I always feel a little unsettled when I'm writing. I'm a quick writer--I can produce text at lightning speed--and I mostly enjoy revising; I'm very much a process writer, so revising is where I usually figure out what my real argument is.

The unsettled feeling doesn't come from the fact that my arguments take a while to develop, though. Well, maybe it does, in a way: As I write/revise/think over what I've written, I shuttle back and forth between thinking that I've got a great idea, what a brilliant sentence that is, I'm so productive and a dreadful fear that I'm arguing the obvious and/or someone else has certainly already made this exact same argument, and I'm too ignorant in my very own field to know it.

Impostor syndrome persists into tenure, and the only way forward is to ignore the voices and write the next damn book.

I did pretty well with last week's list. I bound Bonaventure's book (pictures to follow iff [that's if-and-only-if] I take and then download them), went to a yoga class (the first one I've been to in Field State that really kicked my ass! And, um, inspired me spiritually, etc.), read through my chapter and identified the next big thing to work on there, made sure that at least the skeleton of my argument is present in the chapter, finished a book that probably isn't very relevant to my project, and did not paint the kitchen--I opted for a trip to the Children's Museum with Bonaventure and TM instead. That was fun. I totally want to just play with all the toys and things myself, and having a toddler with you is a great pretext, since he does kind of need help playing with them.

Bonaventure's in the foreground, almost too little for his smock.

This week:

Writing: Work on the Big Hole in my chapter. I've read one article already; I need to work it into the chapter, and I'd like to read and work in two more articles this week, if I can.
Reading: Read a book for chapter 1. (I've started it; it's interesting and pertinent.) Type up notes.
Home: Clean the floors. (I was going to do this today, but I have a cold, so I won't. However, there's no way I was going to go another whole week without cleaning the floors, so this is kind of a nice freebie on my list.)
Fun and Self: Finish Fun Book; read a bit of Proust. Go to yoga.
Crafty: Finish the scarf I've been knitting.
Yard: Try to get in three hours of work on that infernal sidewalk.

First, though, I need to pick up the milk. Better get to it.

1 comment:

Good Enough Woman said...

I feel all of the fears you mention here (esp. as a mere PhD student), but, to compound my unsettled feelings, I am a SLOW writer. I think that one of the reasons I don't blog much is that I write slowly, and I make a lot of mistakes (typos, awkward sentences, etc.), so it takes me a while to produce clean prose that satisfies even my "good enough" standards. I wonder how many slow writers produce substantial scholarship? Not only am I an imposter, but also I'm a SLOW imposter!