Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Defenestrative impulses

I've had a perfectly acceptable 3 hours of teaching and an Ancient Greek class, and am home until I need to go screen a movie in 4 hours. In the middle of it all, my lunch meeting was acceptable (though I was annoyed that they started on the dot, because "on the dot" was "the minute my class let out," which meant that even though I rushed over there I was five minutes late, and then I still had to get my lunch. But whatever [yet how is it that the other people with the same teaching schedule were halfway through their lunches by the time I arrived? Hm--self-righteousness is kicking in]). And then I just got a perfectly polite email from a colleague responding to a question I had, but adding--in a perfectly respectful way--that he thinks that my proposed curricular revision might be overly complicated, but that he gets what I'm trying to do and is willing to support it once we've addressed the thing I asked him about.

So why, given all of the perfect acceptability of everything, do I want to throw my computer out the window?

You know what I mean, right? There are just those moments when anything feels like too much to deal with and everything is blown entirely out of perspective?

Maybe a little break would help. Email, I shall deal with you later.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Well, that's...terrifying

Lo these many months ago (August?), I submitted a solicited abstract for a proposed edited collection. I then sort of 65% forgot about it. I mean, it would cross my mind occasionally, but it was pretty far off the radar most of the time.

Well, I just found out that the collection has been accepted for publication. Good news! It has a final deadline about 6-7 months out. Um...okay! (This is the final deadline, you know, so it's not the date by which I need to submit a draft. That will be much sooner.)

So what did I say that I would write about again?

You know that kind of mid-way freak-out/happy feeling? Because this is good news, and will spur me to actually do something scholarship-wise (I've been tragically since summer, except for the colloquium talk and the MLA paper and some book reviews), but it's also a little alarming to have, you know, a deadline again, especially on a project that I only 35% remembered and haven't started writing yet. Oh, and I have a book review to write by late April. And right, the annual bibliographic essay. And nine thesis committees that'll be wrapping up in--hey, April! And those three classes that I'm teaching, two of which are writing intensive.

Oh! And right! Having a baby in June!

So there's that. A little more pile-on of the stress. It's okay; I'll manage. I'll whine, but I'll manage. (And I'll be on maternity leave all fall, so there's a light at the end of the work-tunnel, even if those 4 months will only be spent breastfeeding and doing laundry.)

And then I clicked on the "show details" of the "to" list from the email announcing the acceptance of the book proposal. I'll level with you here: I thought that, given that the editors were soliciting an abstract from me, this would likely be a middling collection. (Yes, Impostor Syndrome lingers, despite the publication of a monograph and recent promotion to associate [which comes a year before tenure at Field, so I'm not through every hoop just yet].)

But--well--there are some pretty damn impressive names in that list. Some that I don't know, of course, but some that everybody knows.

So.

There's that.

Terrifying.